I was standing on the street…in a big city…waiting to cross over.   There were 2 young women…standing a few feet away.   They spotted this other woman crossing the street in our direction…& one of them said… “Oh, my God…if she ain’t fat!”  Then, they started laughing so hard.  Well…   When I glanced in this other woman’s direction…I did a ScoobyHuh???”  Now, the woman they were laughing at…did seem a bit over weight.  However…  That IS NOT…what struck me.  NO!  NO! NO!   What struck me…was this…   Those 2 hussies that were laughing their asses off…were each a whole lot “FATTER”…than the woman…they were laughing at.   I looked up to Heaven…& said… “Are you kidding me???  The pot calling the kettle…black.  But, they JUST couldn’t help themselves.”  O.k.  Let’s keep going…

In a telephone conversation…I received information about one of my god children.  Now, the person who gave me this info spends at least 90% of their time…gossiping.  She gained the formation she gave me…from somebody who was suppose to be a friend of my god child.  After I got off the phone, I sat down with my god child and I asked her…  “Did you tell so & so…about your personal business…involving such & such?”   She said, “Yes.”  I then, asked… “Did you think that was a private conversation  just between you two?”  She said… “Yes.”  I responded… “Well, as you can see, it ain’t that damn private because that nosy ass so & so…just dropped your business right in my lap.”  She said… “Yes, I see.”  I went on to tell her that she needs to be more careful about who she tells her business to.   I explained that everybody who smiles in your face IS NOT your friend.   Then, I said to her… “The person that you told your private business to,  then…told it to a person they KNOW to be… one of the biggest damn gossipers on the planet.  So, she knew this gossiper was, more likely than not, going to… “go…run…tell…that.”  And, that…she did.”   Now…

As a child, I use to love hanging out with my mother.  Yes, I would be right on her coat tail…going “to & fro.”  So…   In doing that, I would hear all kinds of conversations that she would have with other “grown” folk.   If I heard her once…I heard her a thousand times…say… “They are so damn busy meddling in everybody else’s business…they can’t keep their own houses clean.”   And…  I must say, that my mother was not the type of spirit…that was into a bunch of gossiping.  She just wasn’t.  I would see her face frown up…over & over again, when people around her would do it.  I never heard her say much, other than… “Mmmhh” …and she’d usually walk away.   Now…  Not being a gossiping type spirit…did cause her to be left out of many social loops.  And, for her…that was JUST fine.

Now…there were times, when people would press her on an issue  & say something like…  “Rose, did you hear me?  I just said that Mary Jane was caught in the bed with Shirley’s husband…last night.”   My mom would respond with… “Yeah, I heard you the first time.  But, I don’t care about that shit.  I’m not sleeping with Mary Jane or Shirley or either one of their husbands so…what business is that of mine. And, why do you care?”  I would see the person she was talking to…roll their eyes & walk a way from her.   My mom would respond, a bit disgusted, with… “Good riddance.  Come on baby let’s go.”  And, we would keep it rolling.  You know…

I really admired that about her.   But, the sad thing is this…   Spirits like her, are few and far between.  Meaning???  Meaning…  Far too many folk…gossip…their asses off.  I put it like this… “ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT SOMEBODY!!!”   At home…at work…at a child’s soccer game…at the grocery store…at a barbeque…at the bar…at a restaurant…at a store…& so on & so on & so on.  In other words, they do this shit…any where they breathe. YES!   Now…

I was in a grocery store & I ran into one of these gossiping spirits.  First, it wasn’t by choice.   I think she saw me before I saw her.  Anyway…  She called my name, I turned around to see her hooked up to these tubes.   She was carrying an oxygen tank.   O.k…  We barely got pass the “hello’s & how are you’s” before she started gossiping about someone we both knew.   I thought to myself… “DAMN!!!  You barely got enough air to breathe…but, you expend the little you do have…on bad-mouthing somebody else.  Really???”  O.k…


Let me tell you how different I am then, my mother.   I don’t just say… “mmmhhh” …even though I hate gossiping.   I might say that too, but…I add a little more.    I like to ask questions to the person doing the gossiping.  And, not the type of questions that you might think.  Nooooooooo.   I put on my attorney hat…& start interrogating their asses.

For example…   If they say something like… “Girl, Tammy (a grown woman who lives by herself) came home a couple of months ago & Regina (Tammy’s cousin) told me that she ain’t even stopped by to see her mother.”  So, with hearing that…I might chime in with…  “Do you know if she gets along with mother?  Does her mother mistreat her?”   Well…  This normally catches the gossiper off guard…because they were waiting for me to respond with something like… “Whaaaat!  Ain’t she something.  You mean to tell me that she can’t make the time to see her mother for 2 minutes.  You know that girl ain’t never been right in the head.”    You know what I’m saying…  But, no.

I didn’t respond in that way.   First of all…most of the time when people bring this gossiping shit to me…I don’t have a clue about the backdrop.  In other words, I don’t know if there is a valid, justifiable reason for Tammy not to go to her mother’s house.   I don’t presume that her mother is a decent person.  I don’t presume to know about these other folks lives.

Again, remember I asked… “Do you know if she gets along with her mother?  Does her mother mistreat her?”  And, the gossiper…looks at me like I got 10 horns on my head.  She responds, “Oh, I don’t know about all that.”  I then, think to myself… “Yeah, you don’t know about all of that, but…that didn’t stop your damn mouth from running.”  Then, I changed the subject and started asking her about herself.   I remember saying, “What’s going on with you with this oxygen tank?”  That was the first time I had seen her carrying around this tank.  Then, all of that excitement that she 1st had…when she thought I was going to gossip right along with her…left.    A little aggravated…she didn’t have much more to say.   And, that was JUST fine with me.  You see…  What I did was turn the tables on her ass.    I flipped it from her bad mouthing somebody else…to us…talking about her.   And…

That is not how she wanted this conversation to break out.  NOT AT ALL!  But, I’ve come to understand this about gossipers…    They never want the sun to be shown on them.  They love talking about everybody else…but, they NEVER want to be talked about.  I think to myself… “NO!…NO!…NO!  Your gossiping ass ain’t getting away that easy.”   I have peeped through that con…& I insist on talking about the gossiper…right to their face.  And, they hate it!  THEY ABSOLUTELY HATE IT!   And…

When I respond the way I do…they get the picture.  They do.  They see that I’m not going to skip down that gossiping road…with them.  HELL NO!  You see…   God tells us this…  “29 Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were marked with a seal for the day of redemption. 31 Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, 32 and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.(Ephesians 4:29-32)

Now…   I am amazed at how MUCH people like…meddling in other folks lives…for the SOLE PURPOSE…of gossiping about it.   Honest to God…   I think… “How in the hell do they find the time?   It’s hard for me to make time…to eat…to go pee (it’s true).”  But, these running their damn mouth rascals…can run down other people’s business to you…as easy as they breathe.   They sing more than a canary.  These folk…start out a lot of their conversations…with… “Did you see??? Did you know??? Did you hear???”  Now…

Don’t misunderstand…   Not all conversations, talking about someone else… is gossip.  No.  It’s all about the motivation of the conversation.   It’s all about the heart.  Is the conversation being had…to uplift…to motivate…to teach…to warn??? OR…  Is the conversation being had…to degrade…to belittle…to put down???  And…sadly enough…   The majority of the conversations about somebody else’s life…is ALL about “gossiping.”  And, it doesn’t matter the age…or sex of the gossiper.   Shi-i-i-i-i-t.   I’ve heard 5 & 6 year-old children…gossiping…just like grown folk.   And, don’t let them fool you…   Men gossip…their asses off…too.   Now…

If people spent more time…doing what God expects them to be doing…they wouldn’t have TIME to be running around like little *&^%$#*…gossiping.   It is an awful…ugly…habit…that for sure…needs to be broken.  Gossiping is nothing but, spewing “evil” out into the world.  And, anything evil is the work of the devil.  That’s how God sees it.   Think about it…   What good comes from gossiping???   Tell me.  What godly purpose is carried out by gossiping???   Now…I’ll tell you what I have seen come from it.   I’ve seen people become so traumatized by hateful gossip…that they kill themselves.   I’ve seen people become so enraged when they found out, through gossip, that a loved one was cheating on them…they killed that loved-one and then…himself or herself.   Since…

NO ONE is perfect…we need to think twice before jumping…feet 1st…into “gossiping.”  There is a saying… “Those who live in glass houses…shouldn’t throw stones.”  I’ll do you one better & tell you how God puts it.  He says… “21 But now, apart from law, the righteousness of God has been disclosed, and is attested by the law and the prophets, 22 the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction, 23 since all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God; 24 they are now justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,…”  (Romans 3:21-24)

And, God also says… “Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.” (Matthew 7:1-5)

Meaning???  Meaning…  Every time someone runs their mouth…gossiping…about someone else…God considers that person to be “judging” another.   And, if God finds that “judging” not to be a “righteous judgment” …He for sure…will hold that “gossiper” accountable.  Meaning???  Meaning…   He didn’t stutter.   He said every sin…you have committed…will receive every bit of punishment He can put forth.  He will not forgive those sins.  He will show no mercy!   Why??? Because a “gossiper” shows no mercy…& is unforgiving.  A “gossiper” maliciously vilifies the person they  gossip about.  So…

Let us lay down the stones…that we intend to throw at another.  Let us swallow the hate… we intend to spew out in to the world.  Let us show the love and mercy of God.  For, Hebrews tell us… “30 For we know the one who said, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge his people.” 31 It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.” (Hebrews 10:30-31)

Iris R. Whiting ©

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