My daddy use to say…to us children…all the time… “If you can find one true friend in this world, you have plenty.” Through time…I’ve come to realize…how profound a truth this really is.
Finding…& having a true friend, is what I call…a “pot of gold” find…in this crazy-ass world.
In July 2019…in Raleigh, North Carolina…there were all kinds of folks at the Bonefish Grill Restaurant. Three of the people there were Black women…talking, laughing…in other words, enjoying themselves. There was also another person there…by the name of Nancy Goodman. Nancy Goodman is a 71-year old White woman. Evidently, Nancy Goodman felt the Black women were talking too loud…& being rude. So, she approaches the Black women. Don Lemon interviewed 2 of the Black women, Chanda Stewart and Lakesha Shaw on CNN Tonight…about what happened at the restaurant.
In speaking about Nancy Goodman…Lekasha Shaw… tells Don Lemon… “We don’t know where she was seated but she just appeared at our table. We were there enjoying our meal just like we normally do. We visit Bonefish quite often and we were doing the same thing that night and enjoying our meal and she just came out of nowhere. She approached our table and started banging on our table and screamed at us you are the most rudest people I have ever seen, and she turns and walks out of the restaurant.”
O.k…before we go any further…
Who the ^%$# does this??? Unless, they are calling your grandmother a two-bit whore… who goes up to complete strangers in a public restaurant… “bangs” on their table…& screams at them??? Huhh???
Nobody…UNLESS you are looking for trouble.
O.k…let’s keep going.
Well, after that happened, the Black women started videoing Goodman’s ass. Goodman sees them videoing her and she waves at them. Nancy Goodman then, approaches the Black women, again.
This is their conversation:
GOODMAN: You know, I’ve got really good friends that are black, and I love them.
STEWART: We never said anything about color.
GOODMAN: But they would never act like you all.
STEWART: We never said — how are we acting? How are we acting? So here’s the thing. Let me understand.
GOODMAN: You’re too loud.
SHAW: We’re too loud? In your opinion. In your opinion. Let me show you my money. It’s just as green as yours.
GOODMAN: Right. you’re so stupid, niggers.
STEWART: Stupid? No.
SHAW: No, no, no, no. So, call your black friends a nigger. Call your black friends a nigger. Wait a minute now — she basically just called us a nigger. You have black friends and you still call us a nigger.
GOODMAN: They’re not like you.
***END OF CONVERSATION***
So, we have a White woman who calls 3 Black women niggers, while explaining, that she has Black friends.
Alright… When White folk call Black folk… “nigger” … to lash out at them in anger…it is NOT a term of endearment. No. It is being used as a verbal weapon to cut those persons off at the knees. Nancy Goodman used that word…because she wanted to use that word…to make a specific point. What point??? The point is to relay a message to these three Black women… “I hate you and I want to call you the worse thing I can think to call you…to hurt you, the worse.”
So, what does this tell us about Nancy Goodman??? A HELL OF A LOT!!!
It tells me that this woman likes attention, feels entitled &…is one who is quick to judge others. First, she goes up to complete strangers and “bangs” on their table while they are having dinner. That is some bold ass shit! This woman has the spirit of a “bully” who is use to getting her way. She approaches other grown folk…who she has no control over. Yet, Nancy Goodman feels compelled to step to them. Then, after banging on their table, she screams… “YOU ARE THE RUDEST PEOPLE I HAVE EVER MET!” This is her way of chastising them & putting them… “in their (proverbial) place.”
It is evident that when Nancy Goodman got dressed that morning…she did so without ever looking into any mirror. Because…SHE…is bolting towards the finish line, herself, in terms…of anybody else competing…in the race of being the rudest person she has ever met. HANDS *^%$#@* DOWN!
Because she felt…that she had not made big enough of a statement, by all the damn banging…& hollering…she felt she had to stick a “knife” in and twist it. Thus, comes the use of the word “nigger.” Now… While this was a calculated move by Nancy’s ass…she realized the use of the “nigger card” could cause her some problems with other people…in her life. Remember, she says, I have Black friends. So, she tries to carve…out an exception for these three Black women…by saying about her Black friends… “They’re not like you“ …to justify calling these “specific” three Black women… “nigger.” If there are Black folk…who Nancy cares about…Nancy’s ass…is going to have some explaining to do. If there are White folk who love Black folk…and Nancy cares about those White folk…Nancy’s ass…is going to have some explaining to do.
Oh, Nancy…Nancy…Nancy…G-I-R-L…don’t you know…
“What tangled webs we weave, when we practice to deceive.”
Now…after all the fireworks were over…at the Bonefish Grill Restaurant, WRAL News, caught up with Nancy Goodman.
When WRAL asked Goodman about the incident, this is how that conversation went down:
Goodman: “I’m a 71-year-old woman who lives in Raleigh. I suffer from tremendous anxiety. I’m not going to say I’m sorry to them because they kept pushing at it.”
WRAL: “What about your use of the n-word?”
Goodman: “I used that word because they forced me into it.”
WRAL: “Do you see how that’s incredibly offensive?”
Goodman: “Yes, I do. That’s why I said it. I would say it again to them.”
***end of conversation***
Oh…Sookie…Sookie…now, we are getting somewhere!
When a person goes out of their way…to be hateful…cruel & mean…to another human being, for no reason…that shit is just called… “EVIL!” When a person doubles down…on their hateful…cruel & mean ways …with a willingness to do it again…for no reason… = Unadulterated “EVIL!” That is a person who is chasing the devil…at record speeds.
How could Nancy Goodman not be a racist??? Tell me… And, only God knows how often Nancy Goodman uses the word “nigger” in private…if she so shamelessly uses it in a public setting.
Now, I don’t know who these “Black friends” are…that Nancy Goodman has, but…these “so called” friends might need to rethink their relationship with…this good ole gal… Nancy Goodman…whose able to let the word “nigger” rip…in a single bound. You tell me… How in the hell could I call a White person a friend…who so boldly & so proudly…calls Black women “nigger?” I couldn’t…and still have any respect for myself. I couldn’t…and still call myself a child of God. Yes, I would forgive the ^%$#@…but, God knows I would never forget that she did it.
It is a rare, but a blessed thing, when God has put a White person and a Black person together…as FRIENDS…& that seed of friendship grows…in a godly way. Because this country was founded & built…on hate…& greed…it is hard for true friendships to be forged & sustained between White folk and Black folk.
Now, let me explain…
I’m not talking about…jive time ass relationships…that people mistake…for true friendships. I ain’t talkin’ about that… “just because we sit in the breakroom at the same time & chat a bit”…kinda relationship. And, no I ain’t talkin’ about that… “just because our kids are in the same 2nd grade class…& I see you at the school assemblies…kinda relationship. That kind of stuff don’t make nobody…somebody’s friend. If I haven’t said it a thousand times… “People use the word “friend” too damn loosely.” People have a tendency to misuse the word “friend”…for relationships where the person should be called…an “associate.” Then, what gets me is this… When talking about their “alleged White friend”… I have heard many Black folk say something like… “Yeah, I thought she was my friend, but…then, I saw her out at a restaurant with her family…& she acted like she didn’t know me.” And, I know that I wasn’t making them feel any better, but, I’d quickly interject… “Yeah, because she was never your friend. People use that word too damn loosely.” Alright…
Now, whether you are Black…White…Pink…or Green…
For me, friendship is based on mutual respect, love & compassion towards one another. It’s a relationship where you take the person, where you find them…& go from there. It’s one where you must deal in truth about everything…that you two deal with. Truth must always win…the day. For only from a place of truth…can you see people, places and things…as they really are. You see… When I start from truth…in essence…I’m starting with God. It is He who will direct the path of any friendship. You must ALWAYS…call a spade a spade…even when it could end the friendship.
Why in the hell would I want to be in a relationship…with someone as a friend…& have to skirt around this…jump over that…in order to pretend…that something is not, the way that it REALLY IS??? First, all that dumbness…takes up too much damn energy. And, who has time for fake…phony ass relationships??? NOT ME! At any given time, any friend of mine…will know where I stand. And, if where I stand, is somewhere they can’t stand with me…then, so be it. In other words, if I’m standing for God…then, I don’t need any man…or any woman…to hold me up. As the saying goes, “if you can’t stand the heat…then, you need to get out of the kitchen.” I have walked away from friendships…where my friend…took another fork in the road…that God wouldn’t allow me to take. And, what do I say about such things. It is…what…it is.
True friendship is a relationship…where you can, openly and honestly, talk to each other basically, about anything under the sun. No judging…unless, you do so righteously…& only for the purpose of lifting-up the other person. You never tear down…& try to shred…someone who IS a friend. And, no matter how hard it is to do…sometimes, you have to step back…& remember, your friend belongs to God first. It’s not about what you want for your friend. It’s not about what your friend wants for themselves. It’s ALWAYS…about what God wants…for you both.
Now, for the road…take this with you. True friendships are always tested. God reminds me of this, often. This testing is how…both…will know where the other stands, at any given time. If your friendship goes through the fire…& remains standing afterwards…then, you praise God….for each other. If the friendship doesn’t remain, after the fire…think about it like this…
That shit, wasn’t worth your time to start with.
Iris Whiting ©